Philadelphia 76er fans - you’re finally in luck. You no longer have to suffer in silence with a stupid number for a mascot. Now you get to have your pick between a stupid animal or a stupid, but historical, human for a mascot. If you get lucky, this one in the middle might flash you.
Great people of Philadelphia and nerds who like the Sixers because their team has numbers in it, here are your options:
1) B. Franklin Dogg - Illegitimate love child of Ben Franklin and Snoop Dogg. This explains why he’s wearing a bucket on his head. Oh, that’s the Liberty Bell? Whatever, this is retarded.
2) Phil E. Moose - Moose? Seriously, who are you enlisting to come up with these “ideas” mildly retarded Eskimo children? The City of Brotherly love has no mammoth deer-things running around. Only these kind of mammoths: the best kind.
3) Big Ben - Again, Illadelphians - where are you located? A deciduous forest? No. London, England? No. Unless you would like the game of American basketball to be represented by a tall clock in England (masquerading as a sort of loony/molester Founding Father/alcoholic), do not opt for Big Ben. Even though he promises big things, including that he will “bring electricity to the Wells Fargo Center,” don’t be fooled. The Sixers will forever and always play by candlelight.
You only have through 7pm Friday to vote, so be sure you cast your ballot in the most important election this country will see in years. I’m writing in my vote in: Moose dressed as Ben Franklin.
