Experience the Dew indeed. And if you’re a mouse, or I suppose a human, experience how it will dissolve your bod into a soft and digestible mush. That soft, glowing neon can’t even be experienced in nature - it’s that good.
According to The Atlantic Wire, a man in Illinois sued Pepsi when he allegedly discovered a dead mouse (not the DJ, sadly) in his thirst-quenching Mountain Dew. The man, after he “spat out the soda to reveal a dead mouse,” mailed the carcass to Pepsi for them to “test” (for AIDS, clearly) after which they destroyed the deceased rodent.
Lucky for Pepsi’s lawyers, they have an airtight defense: Mountain Dew dissolves all living things into a “jelly-like substance,” so whatever the man claims to have found in his soda couldn’t possibly be the body of a mouse, especially since the beverage had been bottled years, and possibly decades previously. Now all the plaintiff has to show for himself is the fact that he drinks Mountain Dew. Or has discovered an extraterrestrial/super power mouse that has the ability to withstand the Dew. The Mayans were right - I guess it really is 2012.
