The whole “Imported from Detroit” slogan for Chrysler can be a little confusing. Is Detroit actually a different country? Is it part of Canada? Has it been officially demoted to Third World status yet? Is it ruled by a Union kingpin who feasts on poutine morning, noon and night? Most likely yes to all of the above.
However, every now and then, we get some comforting reassurance that despite Chrysler’s best efforts to convince us otherwise, Detroit is still solidly American. They still have Chuck E. Cheese and grandmothers still get beat up when they go there.
Yesterday, a nice old grandma was celebrating her grandson’s 7th birthday at the Cheese. Ok, the grandma was 50 years old. But this is a semi-foreign country, and the birth rate is very high as the life expectancy is much lower than the rest of the continental US. A lot of Ebola. Need to make sure some survivors remain.
So granny was trying to celebrate, making it rain with tokens and stuff. A table near her was using some potty words, so as a responsible adult, she requested that they please clean up their language. As manners in Detroit would dictate, they told her to “shut the fuck up and turn around.” Sometimes you can talk out your feelings. But sometimes…you can’t. It’s unclear what Granny did at this point, but for the haters shooting their mouths off at table 2, words were not enough. Actions, it is. This lazy Sunday, action took the form of jumping over the table, throwing punches into faces, and grabbing the grandmother by the hair and dragging her around for a bit.
Luckily, the family under assault was refunded their money by Chuck E., and the grandmother just had to go to the hospital to treat a few facial lacerations. Considering this was a Chuck E. Cheese fight, things turned out pretty well. At least she didn’t get shot.
